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| 07:17pm 27/06/2005 |
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mood:  crappy
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this is hard. okay so i know i haven't updated in a long ass time, but i really just wanna write about this because i'm having a hard time with it right now. my birthday is friday. and every birthday for the past 15 years i've wondered if he was going to remember, if he was going to call. i'd get really down and confused and just...kinda anti-social. but this year, i have nothing to wonder about. because he's dead. this year's different than all the last. i cant cry and say, maybe he forgot. or he just doesn't care. this year...he's gone. it was so easy when he was alive. to hate him that is. i had JUST finished the letter i'd written him 2 days before my mom got the call. i guess i just felt that he needed to know wat he was missing. i wanted him to know that yeah, like everyone else i've had my fair share of screw ups...but i am worth knowing. and i'm loved by so many people and i have the best family, boyfriend and friends in the world. and he missed out. but everythings different now. and even tho its been 2 1/2 months since he's died, i still think about it all every day. and in a way, i'm pissed. i never had the chance to say everything i wanted to say. i never had a chance to make him feel like shit. like he was worthless. like he made me feel. when his dad, who i guess biologically is my grandfather, called my mom, he told her to tell me that it wasnt that he didnt love me. it was that he loved the bottle more. i'm not even 20 years old yet. its so unfair. i didnt have any choice in the matter. they didnt even call me until a week after he'd died and the funeral was over. i guess they wanted to keep me away. not cause any type of trouble. i dont even know how they FOUND us. i was the only one of his kids NOT mentioned in the obituary. his other 4 kids were. my older brother who he had with his first wife, dennis. and his 3 kids with his 3rd wife, kevin, kathleen and kyle. i doubt they even know about me. watever. things are different now. i feel a little better. |
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| like ice cream on a horny day... |
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| 09:05pm 07/02/2005 |
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mood:  in love <3 music: everwood
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okay i'm doing something VERY strange here....i'm updating!!!! which i havent done in umpteen million years. okay. wat is going on in my life currently. no longer in school. kinda failed all my classes. i dont know wat my problem is. i think school just isnt for me. its killing my mom cuz she thinks i have no future or something but seriously, school isnt for everyone. i really tried this semester, but its just not the right time i guess. and dad lost his job the other morning. so my mom is of course in shambles and her way of making herself feel better is trying to put restrictions on me. its irritating. so i'm working. a lot. tryin to get the full time gig goin but i applied to be the manager and shit since my manager left but i dont think i'm gonna get it knowing that 3 other managers applied for the job. so i'm kinda stressing bout work shit right now. it's a good thing i have an amazing boyfriend. his name is mark. he's 24. from wilmington. he's 6'4. if i were a guy, i'd be scared shitless of him. but he's wicked cute. and i love him. which is huge for me. and he loves me. which is huge for him. and he treats me so amazingly. i'm sooooo not used to it. okay. i saw a shiny object and got distracted. lata kids.
nikki i miss you too babe<3
thanks for the voicemail!! made my nite!!! |
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| ganked from nikki. DO IT BITCHES! hehe |
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| 12:49am 22/10/2004 |
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mood:  confused music: your mom
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Ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want, and I will answer truthfully and fully. Then I want you to go to your journal, and copy and paste this, allowing your friends (including me) to ask you anything.
Annnnnnnnnnnd:
Please using only one sentence, say something that you like or admire about me. When you're done, post this meme in your journal, and I'll do the same for you. If we're relatively new friends and you don't know much about me, you can cheat by checking my info page for common interests, or default by saying "I love your icon" or some such thing. Thanks for playing.
the red sox make me wet |
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| fish says hi. so does newton. and chino. and missy. oh and my mom. and yours. |
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| 08:46pm 12/10/2004 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: fresh prince baby
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not gonna jynx it...lets just hope he's different...
on a sadder note, the sox lost. and i claim full responsibility for the loss. i had work until 10:30 and when i got home and put on my lucky shirt(the one i wore during the rest of the playoff games) they started hitting. however, it was a little too late. i'm sorry. :*(
i HATE being judged. because 99 times out of 100, you're WRONG. get to know me and you'll realize that. |
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| fill it out because you love me. or because you dont love me. either way, fill it out :P |
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| 12:09am 09/10/2004 |
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mood:  devious
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1. Tell me something obvious about you.
2. Tell me something about you that many don't know.
3. What is your biggest fear?
4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut?
5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money.
6. What is your most treasured possession?
7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often?
8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know.
9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows.
10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again.
12. Are you the jealous type?
13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to?
14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
16. When was the last time you cried?
17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk.
20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it |
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| I LOVE MY SLUT |
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| 12:01am 02/10/2004 |
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mood:  sick
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAGGILICIUOS BURKERIFIC!!!
love you my lesbian loving slutbag whore. miss you. hope you have a super-d-duper bday. MUAH! xOxOxOxOxO
:-* |
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| the line is a dot to you! monkeyfucker!!! muahaha |
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| 11:59pm 25/09/2004 |
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mood:  flirty music: nikki's harmonic voice
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i bought a new fish. his name is fish and he is beautiful. he looks like a rainbow. patrick named him fish, but my sister is fighting it. she insists he be named steak. silly girl. my dog's depressed. i'm worried she'll do something stupid. we took the bunkbeds out of my bro's room so she doesnt have a bed anymore. now she has to sleep on her doggy bed. poor missy. at least she still has her giant spongebob.
missin my girls and boys <3
xO* |
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| me and you baby aint nothin but mammals |
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| 11:25pm 19/09/2004 |
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mood: crappy music: law&order
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i hate drama. its so dumb. people need to quit their frigin bitchin. GET OVER IT! i like being there for my friends when they have problems. because i know they have my back too. and i love them to death and would do anything for them. and if acquaintances occassionally come to me when they're wicked upset and have no one else to talk to, thats fine. i dont mind. but when people i dont like, care about and dont give a shit about me are constantly coming to me with their problems, stupid problems that could be easily fixed with common sense, then i get irritated. everything is not all about you people. everyones got problems. so shut the fuck up. thank you.
venting session over. i feel sick.
<3 MB&NP <3
xO* |
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| * i wanted you to know i LoVe the waY yOu LauGh * <3 |
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| 10:42pm 08/09/2004 |
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mood:  fuckin beat music: the soX game
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soooo tired. good day. classes started. boo that. droppin intro to law. its too early and back to back with journalism. ryans in my journalism class. thats hot. then writing. met some pretty cool characters. got one class tomorrow, math. woopity doo. came home and cleaned. now i'm here. oh wait, i forgot something. well not really. my maggs nikki and steph came up and we went out to eat and such!!!!!!!!!!!! my god did i miss them. i tried so hard not to cry when i left them lol. i think we scared away the old ladies at the table next to us with our very sexual conversation topics. especially when nikki like, stopped breathing and couldnt stop laughing. that made me giggle. cant even tell u how much i miss those crazy bsc kids. LoVe yOu aLL muCho
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
xO*
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| .-'>and if you ever said you missed me than don't say you never lied <'-. |
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| 10:54pm 04/09/2004 |
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mood:  horny music: jefferson airplane - white rabbit
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blah. so i live at sears now, i tell ya that? worked a 11 hour shift today. fun. made some good sales tho. 50 hours this past week. got my finger stuck in this weird jewelry cloth case thingy. my finger swelled up and turned purple then cut into me. lol a customer and houda helped me get it out as i was jumpin up and down. then got it jammed in a drawer. oh man lol, such a dumbass. got in a fight with humpty dumpty. i swear to you i am gonna slap her one of these days. classes start at mcc on wednesday. ew. sox lost tonite. ew. so did the yankees. yay. anaheim won. ew. i love boys. okay i'm spent. yeah. LoVe ya muCho.
( That's when he calls you up out of the blue one day. And you know he thinks he's talking to the girl that you used to be. So when you tell him he's just a memory, ain't it funny how his voice cracks when he says goodbye? )
xO*
....oh yeah, i miss my timothy |
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| every step i take...every move i make...i'll be missin you |
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| 09:13pm 31/08/2004 |
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mood: amused music: george talkin and the sox game
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been kinda a rough day. its my grampa's birthday. he was the only man i've ever trusted. he helped raise me. cant even tell you how much he meant to me. but i tried to keep myself distracted. it was supposed to be my only day off from work but i ended up workin 11-2 as a favor to my manager. watchin the sox kick ASS right now. i love it.
* you wont be comin back *
* and i didn't get to say goodbye *
* i really wish i got to say goodbye *
* and im sure the view from heaven *
* beats the hell out of mine here *
* and if we all believe in heaven *
* maybe we'll make it through one more year *
* i hope that i find you in heaven *
* cuz i'm so... *
* lost without you down here *
* you wont be coming back *
* and i didn't get to say goodbye *
* i really wish i got to say goodbye *
xO* |
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| i see you baBy! shakin that AsS!! ;o) |
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| 10:46pm 29/08/2004 |
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mood: optimistic music: Alicia Keys talkin bout the amazing Ray Charles on the VMA's
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just rearranged my room. made room for my killah blue disk chair. hott. works dandy. i hate people. they're so dumb. too bad i dont care wat ppl think bout me :D
thought of the day: people cause waaay to much drama. everyone should just smoke a blunt and chill the fuck out :oP
Rachel: Okay, you're coming with me, and I also told them that if we're still here when they get off that we'll go down to the cafeteria and have some Jell-O with them.
Joey: (in a sexy voice) Yep! There's always room for Jell-O...
Rachel: Joey, how do you make that dirty?
Joey: Oh, it's easy. Yeah, I-I can do it with anything. Watch uh, (snaps his fingers and in a sexy voice) Grandma's chicken sala
xO* |
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| hey! who lives in a pineapple under the sea??? :oP |
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| 11:22pm 27/08/2004 |
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mood: horny music: the voices in my head singing time after time
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laLalA. so. middlesex. that should be fun. at work last weekend i saw laura from bsc. cant tell u how happy i was. i wanted to cry. goddamn do i miss those fucking kids. work was fun. humpty dumpty drives me nuts tho. she got pissed cuz i sold a pair of diamond studs for $1000 and she didnt sell shit today :p i love it. i had the hot LP guy pissin himself laughin when i was tellin him bout her. yum. oh, i almost forgot. i fell in love today. 6'2. brown hair. blue eyes. in his cop uniform. when i told him where watch repair was he said thanks and winked and smiled at me. oh man, so fucking gorgeous. then when i told my manager about him she called me a slut and said i had too many bf's already. hahaha. i love my boys tho. okay, i've spotted a shiny object and i'm gettin distracted. peace out homeslice. hehe.
Topanga: what, do you think this is funny?
Cory: no, I think its the opposite of funny. I think its...wood.
hahahaha
xO* |
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| * and its hard to tell who really cares and who's just pretending... * |
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| 11:36pm 22/08/2004 |
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mood:  creative music: george pronouncing the word creative over and over lol
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yeah i got bored so i made a new LJ layout lol...also helps the stress factor. i feel like i now live at sears since i'm there like, all day everyday. sucks that my jenna got fired, but i still got my sears boys and the old really conservative indian ladies that i never fail to shock lol. apparantly i'm a bad bad evil girl haha. humpty dumpty's drivin me nuts tho.
ps. i miss my friends and lesbian lovers.
" i'm in that, in between stage. in between relationships, in between staying young and growing up and i plan on staying here for a while. because i'm not quite ready to move onto the next stage. i'm just happy stuck in between. " |
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| 11:18pm 10/08/2004 |
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mood: devious
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HAHAHAHA! YOU ARE ALL THE SAME!
>>>lets have some fun baby ;) |
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irisheyez133's journal
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